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Condolences. Perhaps someone close to you has passed on. Perhaps a relative or a friend has died, and what comes next is to hold a funeral ceremony in loving memory of the departed.

As heartfelt wishes and consolatory words are offered to the affected families, it is a piece of even sadder news to know about 8 out of 10 households do not know the proper funeral rites to conduct for the deceased.

Worse, the inappropriate choice of funeral services may end up causing the departed souls to be stranded in this world, unable to voice out their pleas nor are they able to move on to their afterlife destination.

Wonder why such a pitiful situation happens? Let us go through the finer details of the funeral process in Malaysia so you will have complete understanding of proper memorial services for the deceased.

What is A Funeral?

A funeral is a ceremony or ritual that is conducted to honor and remember a deceased person. It serves as a way for family and friends to come together to mourn the loss of their loved one, celebrate their life, and offer support to one another.

Funerals often involve various customs, traditions, and religious practices, depending on cultural and personal beliefs. They may include elements such as prayers, music and rituals for burial or cremation, as seen in Taoist or Buddhist funerals, including readings and eulogies as seen in Christian funerals.

Funerals provide a space for grieving and paying final respects to the departed, while also offering a sense of closure for those left behind. The modern society views funerals and memorial services as just a moment to mourn, but in spirituality, selecting the right funeral rite is of utmost importance as it determines the course for the departed soul in the afterlife.

Also read: Almighty God Prayer

Types of Chinese Funeral Rites

There are two major types of funeral rites in the Chinese community. The standard ritual would be to either conduct it according to the Taoist way or following the Buddhist concept.

The difference between the Taoist and the Buddhist funeral ritual lies in the complexity of the death ceremony. The current trend among the Chinese is that most funerals held are more inclined to the Buddhist rite as it is purportedly more direct, simpler and cleaner in outlook.

Usually, Buddhist monks or spiritual masters will be invited to perform chanting to help guide the souls on their death journey, and food offerings are more towards vegetarian dishes.

On the other hand, Taoist funerals are filled with all kinds of noisy rites and prayers by Taoist priests or funeral directors. Despite the more complex ceremonial rites, it is still the best option to choose as most people today are more suited to Taoist rituals due to the unceasing behaviour of eating too much meat as well as having too many attachments to worldly leisures and pleasures.

Many do not perform daily incantations of both sutras and mantras, nor do they take vegetarian food often. They also hardly listen to Dhamma sermons and lack Buddhist cultivation in living.

Because of such lifestyles, one is not suitable to follow Buddhist funerals upon departure from this Earth and should choose the Taoist funeral rite instead.

Also read: What is Buddha Tao

Common Mistakes and Misconceptions on Funeral Wake in Chinese Community

The most mind-boggling event in our life is when we witness the demised person undergoing a funeral rite conducted either at home or at a funeral parlor. In most cases, many funeral rites are conducted without proper guidance except for the sake of performing it as a mark of last respect to the deceased person.

Whenever we attend a funeral wake regardless it is a Buddhist or Taoist rite, we should always observe in silence to pay our last respects to our departed relatives or friends. Many disregard this hidden rule and simply chatter away loudly whenever they meet in a group – this is inappropriate!

In fact, we should perform some silent prayers to the deceased either individually or in a group as an indirect means of transferring merits to the deceased. We should never chat and laugh away loudly at our conversation during the wake session, which is disrespectful.

Sadly, many treat the meet-up of relatives during funerals as an opportunity to access the latest news or information on any business development or participation rather than sincerely respecting the proceedings of the death ceremony.

Also read: Common Misconceptions of A Buddhist

The Best Way to Manage A Funeral or Death Ceremony

Whenever one attends a funeral or wake, one can feel the eerie and uncomfortable setting as there is no professionalism in managing a funeral wake in most cases. The set-up of the funeral wake is usually awful and an unwelcoming sight due to a lack of expertise in funeral management.

This situation only shows the usual lack of foresight in possessing the correct knowledge towards handling the funeral package.

So what’s the best way to handle a funeral? We should always learn to uplift the funeral scenario to a more conducive environment.

Also read: Self-Realization

Enliven The Funeral with Better Decorations and Hospitality

Making the funeral ceremony more lively doesn’t mean you need to indulge in loud conversations to enliven the atmosphere – what you could do is improve the funeral setting with better decorations and brightly lit venue as if projecting a festive celebration mood albeit in a proper, respectful manner.

After all, the passing away of a person is already painful and insipid, hence it is not beneficial if we add further to the gloomy situation by hanging all the dull decorative cloth and dim lighting all over the place.

To make the funeral wake nights more lively and entertaining, the deceased’s next of kin who hosts the wake should sincerely engage at least a good cook to specially cook food and serve it hot to the people attending the wake session. This way the people who drop by the wake session would feel more receptive in attendance and feel appreciated for coming to pay their last respects.

However, most of the time in Malaysia, many wake sessions serve their attendees with cold rice vermicelli (bee hoon) and red bean soup. This indirectly translates to a cold reception for the attendees participating in the funeral wake.

Also read: Cheng Beng

Have a Well-Planned Time for Hearse to Avoid Rushing the Funeral Ceremony

It is amusing whenever one attends a funeral, especially in the morning when the hearse is about to depart to the designated columbarium, the personnel conducting the funeral ritual always act in haste with all the quick protocols to be observed.

This is due to the modern time of commercialization where the funeral director has to entertain three to four funeral rites in a day. Thus, the funeral director needs to hasten everything in a day at the expense of the attendees.

However, this only makes everyone from the deceased’s family members up to the guests in attendance feel jostled around and uncalm.

The better way would be to ensure ample time is adjusted before the departure of the hearse so that this would not jeopardize the time constraints in undergoing the funeral ceremony hastily. Make arrangements in advance outlining your requirements with the funeral director in charge and the funeral parlor personnel to ensure the hearse will be carried out smoothly at a relaxed pace.

Is Getting the More Expensive Funeral Package or Funeral Services Better?

Many people have the wrong notion that the more expensive package the funeral ceremony, the better is the outcome of the deceased’s status.

They think that if they splurge on the funeral, not only does it show the good side of the host as being filial or loving to the deceased, but it could also aid the departed soul in achieving a better place or spiritual attainment in the afterlife. Unfortunately, this is not how things work for funerals.

Bear in mind that a successful attainment of the deceased lies not in the posh way of the funeral ceremony but in the deceased himself or herself in practicing and achieving virtues in spiritual cultivation. The achievement of virtuous deeds in oneself is the way to the Land of Paradise.

Unfortunately, many could only understand this final requisite upon their last breath on this Earth. It is common since most of us tend to engage in all kinds of earthly activities and festivals or celebrations until we are overindulged and grossly attached, thus forgoing the importance of cultivating virtues.

Final Thoughts on Funerals

When it comes to funerals, we should learn to understand the rational move behind creating a more lively atmosphere for a funeral rite is because the deceased has already fulfilled his duty on Earth and is now laid to rest. This final moment of return to the original place should be the time we rejoice in his or her final retirement of struggling on this Earth.

In light of that, we should attend the funeral with a more blissful thanks towards the deceased’s bereavement. Our attendance should be one of peace, rejoice, and light and easy feeling while simultaneously welcoming any attendee to the funeral with a warmer reception.

This way, it will help to enliven the whole scenario and make people more receptive to attending any future wake with open arms to celebrate the end of the departed soul’s suffering in this world.